I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize