I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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