This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
