i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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