He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
