Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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