I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
