so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You can't just leave with hair like that
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
