I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
