cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize