From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
