The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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