Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
