Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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