I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
