Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
