Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
