I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
