I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
