Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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