what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
