I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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