Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you win again, gameday.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
