the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
