with your own penis?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
