It's Friday. Sex?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
