I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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