Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
