The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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