I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
