Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize