we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
