I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
