I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
there's paper in my vomit.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
