is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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