its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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