omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
