so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
