Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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