Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
