first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize