that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
