She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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