____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
