2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
