rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
