I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
