I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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