That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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