May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
do herpes really smell.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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