I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
