Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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