Got a toothbrush?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
