i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
