i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
