Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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