I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize