Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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