I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
