none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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