just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
