I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize