glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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