wat bout pragnant strippers??
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
