hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
