shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Two words: nipple clamps
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