you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize