I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
