yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
