i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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