I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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