I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
