We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
