i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
