I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
