So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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