I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
