In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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