And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
