His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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