I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize