every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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