Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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