hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
