How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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