I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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