i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
