There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
