I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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