i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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