there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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