I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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