I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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